Mother's Day 2012

I feel like death here...some crazy numbered mile during marathon.  where's that high now huh?1?!?

 I actually was thinking about all this on my run this morning.  I finally understand what "runners high" really means.  It has literally taken months of running to finally realize that it's brain function from the endorphins that is the "high".  All along i could NEVER understand this "high" that i heard about.  In fact, i never feel good when i'm running physically...i was thinking it was some rediculous ploy to make you think running was going to get better.  BUT, I was thinking it was a coincidence that while i'm running i'm always thinking these great, happy thoughts, and how blessed I am.  And the truth is, I am.  But it's a special clarity when i'm running.  The runners "high".   If there was some way of recorded the novels I think in my mind while i'm running people would think i'm a happy loving fruit loop.  I've never taken ecstacy...but i'm imagining that this high is at least a lesser version of that.   I think that if someone stopped me on my run to ask for donations to etc etc...someone needed a kidney...i would be all about it!  Why am i writing about this on my "mother's day" post?  Well, I've been running long distance now for about 7 months, and everytime i do, i think about my kids the most. 

Andie's birthday

Parker 1 day old

The day I became a mom (colin)

I have had many blessings in my life.  Wonderful parents, a wonderful childhood, a great college experience, a great man that i married but I truly believe in my heart that God gives children as an extra blessing in life.  Ever since I was a little girl, this is what i wanted to be most.  A mother.  I had some rediculous amount of cabbage patch dolls...i mean, 50,  maybe more?  Every day as a small child I would play "mom" to these dolls...even fake yell at them to be quiet in "church" (my bedroom floor).  HA, little did i know telling them to be quiet was the LEAST of my parenting concerns during church.  The running down the ailes, under the pews, screaming, throwing cheerios, laughing or crying at innapropriate times never crossed my little child mind.  (Dear Jesus, I'm sorry I havnt been to church since, well, Christmas...I never meant to be a "Chreaster", but my children's best interest is not served by me barrading them for over an hour every sunday...ok maybe it's just not in my parenting stamina right now).  But also, as a little girl i never understood just how special a child was.  Mine of course to me, are exceptional.  They have an exceptional way of loving.  Loving each other, loving me, loving family, and loving friends.  I don't think there is anything better in this life than to see your children happy, seeing them in their everyday lives.  My kids have enriched my life more than I knew possible.  So mother's day to me, is really about the kids.  The kids that I believe were given to me by God.  I'm not sure what i have done to deserve them, but i'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it was a great decision.  I vow to always be there for my children, not just when they are sick, or are needing help, but when they just need a playmate, someone to make messes with, someone to teach them about all the wonderful things in life, and someone to teach them how to deal with the not so wonderful things in life.  I promise to give them as much as i can give, to enjoy as much with them as possible, and not to hide things that they need to learn.  I promise to really dig in, and be there in the moment.  I promise to be their mother first, and their friend second, and when they need someone to take the role as enemy i'll be there then too. 

Andie a few days old with me and Colin

Most everyone these days talks about the "bucket list".  I do have a lot of things I'd love to do in my life...but i really only have ONE thing that is on the bucket list.  I just want to raise my children, and see them as adults, watch them grow with their own lives and see their adult lives and hopefully build families of their own.  I know this is a large thing to have on a bucket list...but it is my entire bucket list.  So God, you better keep me here for many many years...I have a lot to do and see before I go!         

day before Andie's birth

Parker and I 4 months old

very pregnant with parker

colin about 3 days old

Colin's Mother's day Tea 2011

Andie's mother's day tea 2012

colin's mother's day tea 2012

 

The giving tree

As I was reading "The Giving Tree" tonight to my kids, it made me think about quite a few things. The second time through the book, i could barely read it without tearing up. There are so many days, and so many times when I think to myself that I just wish I could just go to the bathroom in peace, that I could read a book rather than being asked to build blocks, that I just need a LITTLE bit of space just for a minute on the couch rather than having a 1, 3, or 5 year old clinging to me. So many days that I get frustrated when i'm trying to walk and one of the kids hangs on my leg, literally, "hugging" it. So many nights that I just want to get the kids to bed rather than spend the 15 minutes they each want of me to lay with them, sing to them, cuddle with them. My 5 year old actually prays every night that I stay in his room with him forever, and most of all I just think that I need my sleep and head to my own bed. But I think it's high time, to stop...stop everything and absorb and give thanks that I not only have 1, not 2, but 3 "little boys" that:

want to gather my leaves and make crowns out of them

climb up my trunk and swing from my branches

eat my apples

play hide and seek

and when they are tired, sleep in my shade

For one day soon, all too soon, these 3 "little boys" will grow up, and then I'll be the one wishing that I could just give all I have to give to just have 1 more day like these days. And I know, much like the giving tree, no matter how old I get, no matter how little I have to offer, I'd give it all to make my children happy for my children are the center of my world.

So tomorrow, my goal is to embrace my children, embrace the clinging, the game playing, the wanting to sleep with me, the wanting to hug all day, the wanting "me" just because i'm mom. For this time is so short...and in the end they are my happiness.

Colin is FIVE!

I can't believe it. 5 years has gone by sooo fast.
When colin was born, he was just a tiny peanut weighing in at 5lbs 11 oz and now he's in the 90% for height and weight at age 5.

Colin is one of those people that has a "old" sould to him. He plays like a 5 year old, but talks and thinks like a 45 year old. He's a mature little man, and often times thinks he's much more mature than he is ;) He's still my baby, yet he's my biggest fan, friend, and helper. He's had to "grow up" a lot this past year having a baby brother and andie in the middle and a daddy not around. He has stepped up to play the comforting brother and son, my biggest helper around the house, and hes not shy about lettig me know when he's had ENOUGH of the helping!
HE says lines that are far wiser than his years, and I just have to stop and look at him and try to figure out how that happened! He's always listening, even when you don't think he is. I've had may moments when i feel like i've failed him in that circumstances have made him age faster than he should...but he just jumps into the role and goes with it.

He has decided to take up gymnastics this year..."so i can jump over laser beams"...everyone has to have motivation right??? He takes it very seriously, and is having a lot of fun with it at the same time. He still LOVES preschool, and is even excited about the upcoming year in Kindergarten already.

Today as I was in his classroom celebrating his 5th birthday there...he walked me over to show me his patch that he drew for the class' patchwork quilt they made to represent their families. His patch had a giant person in the middle, 3 little people around this giant and another little person off to the side. I thought Colin was going to be that middle giant person, but was suprised to hear when he told me about the picture that "that's you mommy" "and the two above you are andie and parker, this is me way down here, and daddy is over there". His teacher overhearing this said "you are the center of his world mom". and i just had this overwhelming sense to CLING to this time, this moment in my child's life where my little boy still sees me as the center of his universe. For i know, in just a short amount of time I will be somewhere in the distant periphery on his patch.

Happy Birthday to an amazing little boy who made me a mom, and has brought me so much joy and love to my life.... <3