I"M NOT AN ELF!!!!!!!!!!

It's that time of year...the time when all for the joy of the children of thy womb I buy wooden pieces of crap that need to be put together with either 1 million screws, or wooden pieces that should "click" together.
Im beginning to think that the toy companies write the assembly directions either A) when they are highly intoxicated or B) just to play mind games with the consumer.
Tonight, Imaginarium has now stepped forward to win the spot for the WORST craftsmenship and assembly directions I have ever seen! They drilled holes too small, the screws were all stripped, the wood busted in parts, and the best part: Some instructions were written backwards! If it weren't for the picture of shear joy on my son's face playing in my head, i would have taken the 1 million pieces of ply wood, and punted it off an enbankment.

You know, i read all the time where parents sit down with a glass of wine before cracking into a box of assembly toys. Had i been drinking, it A) would have never gotten together and B) i would have decided to set it on fire.

I also put together a mellissa and Doug Grocery store stand. I will like to give a round of applause to that company for STURDY craftmenship, ease of directions and an astounding manual. Assemble time of grocer stand: 20 minutes Assemble time of Fire House/Police Station crack house... 2 hours, 14 minutes.

Tomorrow night on the schedule, is another imaginarium product, this time for andie...a doll house. I peaked inside. there are 2 full pages of full hardward materials listed.

The night of the 22nd, I will then begin the process of cutting, sawing, and unscrewing products from their boxes till my fingers bleed. On course: bat cave, pirate ship, baby doll, musical toys for parker, barbie dolls, and transformers. This is why who ever developed santa from ST. Nicholas, decided he HAS to have sla...i mean elves to do the work. Santa may be able to deliver 1 million toys in one night, be he sure as shit aint prepping them in 1 night!